Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Comments Note

I may turn it back off, but for the time being, I have enabled comments moderation. This means that when you post a comment, it will not appear on the site until it's been approved. My policy is still the same: disagree all you want; there just may be a delay before your disagreement appears on the site.

You can still comment anonymously.

I don't want the comments here to fill the rant-and-rave void left by the TalkBCC Forum's closure.

To everyone who wants to comment: Ask yourself if what you want to say will be helpful. Do you want to respond, or do you want to retort? Do you want to be heard, or do you just want to be able to talk?
Those are important questions for good and edifying dialogue.



At 11:29 AM, Anonymous kw said...

It IS your site.......I you can censor it if want. But what are your afraid of?

At 11:56 AM, Blogger Jared said...

I'm not afraid of anything. I'm tired of having to delete stuff on the fly. I'm a busy guy, and I have more things to do than just sitting at a computer trying to keep up with folks who aren't really interested in conversation but only want to nitpick or insult me.

I don't get what's so hard to understand about that.

You're still commenting, aren't you? Have I demonstrated fear of your comments? In fact, I've tried several times to respond to your questions and criticisms as well as I could, even to the point of neglecting the questions and concerns of other commenters who deserve attention too. If you want to monopolize the site with your continued badgering of me, you're doing an excellent job.

But if you don't have anything else to say other than repeating the same charges against me, maybe you can find something more worth your time also.

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Brack said...

Probably of this blog turning into the WWF Pay Per View that TalkBCC devolved into. This is a place for constructive insight and conversation. Don't walk into a man's front yard if your only purpose is to throw rocks.

At 12:55 PM, Anonymous kw said...

I'm sorry that you feel that my comments were insulting and that I was badgering you. THAT IS NOT MY INTENTION. Can you please tell me what some of the insulting comments were? They were disagreements for sure, but you have on more then one occasion twisted what I have said and tried to turn it around on me. And why are you spending sooooooo much time on my comments? Is it because you are not satisfied with just reading my comments? Why do you feel the need to convert me to YOUR way of thinking? As you have stated, the purpose of this site IS to influence peoples thinking. All I have stated today was "can't you make your point by telling me what you are FOR instead of what you are AGINST?" Im not sure why you find that offensive. Your site would have more weight if it was about building people up rather than tearing people down. Please find my insulting comments and respond so that in the future I can be more sensitive.

At 1:22 PM, Blogger Jared said...

KW, I was mainly referring to Michele when I mention deleting for being insulting. I think some of your comments fall into the badgering category because you keep insinuating I'm trying to hide my motives about the site or that my purpose is less than pure. But it is insulting to me when you suggest that despite all the stuff I've written positively about, you pull out random comments or assume things in posts that aren't there. It's essentially calling me a liar, and I don't know why you have to suggest I'm not being forthright, when I keep replying to you as clearly as I can.

And why are you spending sooooooo much time on my comments?

You're asking me why I'm responding to you? Good gracious, man, if you want me to ignore you, I will.
I'm spending time on your comments because I assumed you really wanted response to your questions and criticisms. Please tell me if you don't.

Why do you feel the need to convert me to YOUR way of thinking?

I don't. I honestly don't care.
You ask questions or make assumptions about my aims, and I answer them. Since I was a kid, this is how I understand conversation to work.
Why are YOU trying to convert ME to your way of thinking? If by "trying to convert" you mean "saying what you think."

I have to admit, you ask some very strange questions. Is any disagreement with you filed under "Trying to Convert"? I thought you'd appreciate response. But if you just want me to ignore you, I can do that too.

All I have stated today was "can't you make your point by telling me what you are FOR instead of what you are AGINST?" Im not sure why you find that offensive.

I don't. I find it puzzling because I've stated from the very first post what I'm for. I answered this question directly the first time you asked it in that previous post today. Did you read my response?
If you've actually been reading, and still can't tell what I'm for, I don't know how else to explain it to you.

You're obviously "against" me. Why not explain what you're "for" in regards to your comments. What do you hope to accomplish in this dialogue?

Your site would have more weight if it was about building people up rather than tearing people down.

That's interesting since the vast majority of people who have commented, emailed, and spoken to me personally have expressed how helpful this site has been to them, how much they appreciate it, and how encouraging it has been. The people who have mentioned it being "destructive" amount to 2. I have no doubt there's more that feel that way, but I also think it has less to do with what I'm actually saying and doing and more to do with the fact that I refuse to act like what brought the church to this point was not really wrong or insignificant.

I hope that answers your latest questions.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger snoop4jc said...


I am not part of the BCC family, I am just an observer from a distance. I have recently left a church that suffers from the same problems that seem to have affected BCC over the past number of years. It excites me to see a church begin to healthily deal with this situation and move on. I only wish that my former church could do the same.

There are those that might read this comment as being a suck up attempt, or whatever... so be it. I want to thank you for doing this. I want to thank you for dealing with this whole situation in as neutral a way as you could. We all have our biases... but you seem to have handled this as well as anyone could have. I do not know what you are in the process of writing, but I am interested in getting a copy.

My hope, and the reason for my continued reading of this blog is that people can begin to drop fighting for thier agendas. I see so much written that is divisive. So much that is written from the standpoint of the Foster's being screwed... This is unfortunate. It is my hope for your body that people might begin to suck it up, realize that the past is the past, and be able to move on in the process of restoring the broken body that is BCC. I also see much that is written from the standpoint of former staff being vindicated... I hope the same for them as well. Your body needs healing... it doesnt happen by continuing the process of provocation that some are in the habit of doing.

I guess that this is one of those situations where people have to decide whether their own personal feelings, agendas, and wants are more important than the good of the church. I hope and pray that your body will come to the realization that the good of the church needs to trump their fondness of the Foster's right now.

I continue to pray for you all.


At 1:45 PM, Blogger Jared said...

Snoop, thanks so much for your comment, and please know that your prayers are much appreciated.

It's so encouraging to know people "get" the purpose of this site and sense that it is helpful.

As for what I'm writing right now:
I have some articles (mostly on parenting) and short stories published, but I'm an aspiring novelist working on my third (unpublished) novel. In fact, next month my agent will have been waiting on that manuscript for a year. So I need to get crackin'.

Rest assured, if a publishing deal is offered, I will shout it from the rooftops. ;-)

Thanks again, friend.

At 1:55 PM, Anonymous jonathan said...

You can still comment anonymously.


I've been reading since the situation began, and I was wondering if you could turn the anonymous option off. Anonymous comments shouldn't be taken seriously in my opinion. If you cannot put your name to a comment, how can you stand behind it?

Even if I disagree with you at times, I appreciate the heart with which you post. Thanks, and keep digging.


At 2:30 PM, Blogger Jared said...

Jonathan, thanks so much.

I originally enabled anonymous commenting for ease of comments. I figured there might be newbies to the blog world who would get put off by registering, even if they understood how to do it. I wanted as wide a conversation as possible.

I also allowed it because I figured, in the beginning, there might be folks who want to share their hearts but were concerned about their privacy. This actually worked more than once, even though I knew the flipside was people could potshot and be rude with the protection of anonymity.

I'm going to leave anonymity enabled, for the time being, for the same reasons. I realize there will be abuses of the freedom, but for now I'm hoping they will be worth it.
And even if I required registration, people could always use fake names. So it's not like there's actual accountability in the comments. There ought to be, but it's just not feasible, I don't think.

I do wish anonymous commenters would sign with a "handle," even if pseudonymous, so that at least we can tell them apart.

I appreciate the question, but I think anonymous commenting will remain for now. I may change my mind, though. ;-)

And thanks again for your final words, especially. I do hope people understand I'm not against disagreement. I don't want an echo chamber here. I welcome and invite dissent, because it can make for good, productive conversation. I just hope for charitable, civil, and un-argumentative speech.

Anyways, thanks a third time!

At 7:49 PM, Anonymous Mike Goodson said...

Thank you again for your commentary, I've been reading daily and really enjoy your writing and am learning from it. I'd had an issue with the "forgiveness" thing and your blog entry really helped clarify my thoughts. I even forwarded it to my mom, as we were "battling" with the same issue and had discussed the ideas of forgiveness.

I think another commenter mentioned this, but I whole-heartedly support you beginning to moderate the comments. This is your "house" and we're just invited guests.

I want to know how you have time to write, be a SAHD and husband. Wow!

Hang in there!


At 9:14 PM, Blogger Jared said...

Mike, sometimes I wonder myself!
Thanks for the kind words.

At 7:20 PM, Blogger Matt Sipos said...

What if we just wanna make a comment for no other reason than comedic relief?


At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See if this fits....One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself.
He said, "My son, it is between 2 wolves. One is evil: Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment. The other one is good: love, generosity, joy, humility, security, good will and grace.
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one I feed."


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